Lucheni, the world’s greatest artist-assassin, princess slaughterer, shock-inventor and philosopher of police has returned from the dead and been hired by the Becoming Polis to destroy Europe. He has also been granted a small allowance for a general assistant. These are his terms for hiring:
Good English Essential. Romance languages an advantage. You must be a quiet and unobtrusive person with EXCELLENT PERSONAL HYGIENE. We will be traveling companions for months, sharing rooms and other close spaces. Therefore you must not snore, fart, scratch or masturbate while I am awake. I will not have sex with you in general but very occasionally I might, so you must produce a certificate of sexual health. You must be well- groomed in every respect; trimmed nails, no scars or tattoos. Repeat: No Scars Or Tattoos; this is not just for reasons of taste but security reasons also. You must be a person who is difficult to identify or to describe and you must be able to completely change your appearance by means of simple props like wigs and eyeliner. You must be totally obedient to me at all times and in all matters. If I decide that you must in broad daylight take a pick axe to the grave of the unknown soldier or flash your nads at the Pope in St Peter’s, you must unquestioningly carry through. Because I am the ultimate boss of the destruction of Europe. What I say goes; get it? This job is not for all comers. Only the most serious persons need consider applying.
Can you play bodhrán, spoons, fiddle and a variety of whistles? Can you howl melodically, and, at the same time, rhythmically stamp? The destruction of Europe will have a barbarian soundtrack. I have decided that. I have been instructed on the end alone; the means and all the trimmings are in my gift.
De Sade, Cervantes, Shakespeare. Complete works of each, on which you will be examined at interview. The destruction of Europe is the being of Europe; giving birth to Europe was the same thing as destroying it. Do you understand that sentence? The Nova will be born in fire and blood and we are the Fireblood midwives setting the fires and letting the blood. Fire. Blood. Fire. Blood. Fire. Blood. But are we looking for a kind of umma instead? I expect you to have considered opinions on such matters.
We will travel discreetly and humbly on buses and everywhere we alight will be doomed. These will be small towns and out of the way places in general, at first. I have been told that the small town as a format must be completely eradicated in Europe.
You will follow me around everywhere as I doom places. You will be making a gigantic catalogue of all the different kinds of doom I produce. For example, if I decide that in a certain heritage village near Amsterdam every pet rabbit and hamster and puppy will suddenly turn into rhinoceroses exploding through the walls of children’s bedrooms, or if it please me that a certain stretch of motorway between Munich and Kiel will instantaneously become an Amazonian torrent towards a waterfall, you will comprehensively annotate and illustrate the consequences of such.
In future we will live together in an enormous and echoing hall, a vast palatial Hall Of Reason, and the walls will be decorated with frescos telling the story of my destruction of Europe. It will be part of our hospitality to the visiting destroyers of other continents to ceremoniously and peripatetically narrate my destruction (with your general assistance) of Europe by way of these spectacular animated 3D frescos, which will be the last human artform. In consultation with my own superiors, this is what I have decided.
Are you handy with a sledgehammer? Can you carry one inconspicuously? You’ll need one in Italy where we will be climaxing. In Italy the sewer of Europe runs deep and it is pungently leaking at all times. We will turn the odious gunge of past sorrows and crimes into the gushing springs of a new purity. In Italy, when the shops close, everything dies for hours at a time. In that bucolic vacuum, between the shutting and re-opening of premises, I’ll send you abroad to terracotta hilltop villages. You’ll smash whole rows of shopfronts in. Within hours, dark-skinned immigrants will be mugshot and framed. We’ll escalate with other tricks. There’ll be lynchings and manhunts. There will be nooses and stakes and schoolyard grenades. You will see just how fluently these things shall unfold. Then, at the moment of highest tension, I’ll have you plant a bomb at a society wedding in a basilica. That will set them all at each other with every available weapon. Thereafter the pogroms and riots will spread up the trouser leg of Italy and into the stinking Mitteleuropean groin. Soon we will have a wicker man made out of the entire continent, just as we are tasked.
To be honest I would prefer a holiday bomb in a train station, but I’m not a copycat. And the problem with a bomb in a train station is that all types and classes of people could be killed. It would be as likely to cause a period of intense sacrificial- ceremonial unity, especially in Italy, after which our momentum would be lost, as it would be to cause widening schisms and escalating confrontations.
The destruction of Europe is a noble and inspiring tradition and I pay tribute to all of my excellent forebears. However we must also learn from mistakes and weakness—in fact these are the best way our predecessors can teach us. There will be acts of European cruelty required which most people would not even be able to imagine. OK?
You must not be a risk-averse person. At any moment you could die or, far worse, be captured. I could also at any moment get a whim to destroy you. I am legally entitled to execute you whenever I feel like it, by any method I choose, for any offense I deem an executable one, or for no reason whatsoever, allowing for the fact that the lack of reasons is the reason why.
Besides all this, let me tell you something more about who is with us and what we will be up against. You will think it is the police, and/or the armed forces, and/or the clandestine agencies, and of course it is at one level. But if it were only those I’d have let Europe go on destroying itself for another while yet. Factions for, factions against; yes, but we are not merely dealing with an internal security apparatus dispute into which we are making the decisive intervention, though your experience of such matters is obviously on the longlist of ‘advantages’.
It is not about the police but about what the police are becoming and about how we can accelerate that becoming. We will be fashioning history on what is hardly an overstatement to call a cosmic scale. As always the world in its chaos and its quickening is my raw material but it is material I work with, and not against. I do not create in the sense of something new and from scratch. My method is surgical intervention to accentuate pre-existing trends. It’s all about working with the grain of immanence. Do you think all a visionary like me does is hallucinate? But vision is not hallucination. It’s seeing better than anyone else what is actually going on. There is not a thing abstract or unreal about my visionary work. Vision is a seeing into the given and at the same time a seeing beyond the given into its as yet unrealised potentials. We are not just destroying Europe for the heck of it.
Humanity is basically a death-cult—did you know that? Any species which knows it is going to die is unavoidably a death-cult.
From within the present course of Europe is unfolding a singularity which will relegate the human species to non-entity. A Billion-Year-Reich is emerging, visible to anyone who dares to look close enough and who is capable of thinking through thedata. The new Omnipower will be based on the evolutionary synthesis of nano-technology, wireless computing, solar power, robotics and the built environment—on everything that goes to making up the modern city. Repeat: everything that makes the city is approaching sophisticated technological synthesis on the deepest cellular level. The city itself will then live as an autonomous superconsciousness with, relative to ourselves, infinite power at its command. I call the power Polis, and the becoming of it Becoming Polis.
Human mediation between energy and technology will soon no longer be a requirement. Cities are approaching Being. Every brick, plasterboard, rivet, slate, rod, nail, screw, railing, plank of wood, underground pipe, cable, wire, every pebble in the pebble-dash is coming to its senses at last. Very soon the windows will literally be watching us themselves, will literally not need anyone to peer through them any more to be able to see.
Have you noticed anything strange in your city? A sense of a massive shadow approaching from in front, cast by a future so excessively dark that its densest darkness is defying time and spilling over backwards towards us? If so, this job may be for you. This job may very well be for you if you are one of the people who sense that, in our European cities, the architectural ‘stage’ is alive and sentient, but the human ‘actors’ in the offices and the shopping malls are merely props, and all their business only ephemera and distraction behind which the real plot is evolving.
Who knows what will occur? I have had visions of cities simply detaching themselves from the surface of the planet and going into orbit or spinning away across the universe to settle somewhere else and build a Utopia to suit themselves. And perhaps to replicate and spread around. A whole Venetian planet in my mind sometimes. A Berlin the size of Jupiter! But I have also had nightmares of the cities going to war with one another and the terrible destruction that would bring. Of course, anything I project from my own deluded human make-up onto the post-human infinity is nonsense. But isn’t it exciting to lay omens all the same? Terribly so. My advice is prayer. We will have to pray together. We will break into electrical warehouses in periurban sprawl in Bavaria at night and pray to the washing machines and the giant screens and the advanced system Hoovers in there and they will hear us and they will one day acknowledge our prayer.
Back to the police. Nobody really understands the police except me, the world’s greatest philosopher of police. That is why this project has been put in my hands. I am a CONSEQUENTIAL RELATIVIST: one understands the significance of a thing by its relations and its consequences. The police are of no interest in themselves (the visionaries among them know this and that is why they have hired me) but only in what they are evolving into, what they are a moment in the prehistory of.
Ask yourself this: what are the Police feeding? What grows larger and stronger and more intelligent due to the operations of the police? Of course it is the machines of repression which grow larger and stronger and above all slicker, less obvious, more self-controlled. The police are the human extension of the machines of repression, which are all, including the police, fusing into one supreme repression machine. They are all Becoming Polis.
Said in a slightly different way: the police are the human avatars of the future city, the Becoming Polis. The City is the supreme immanence of the repression machine. The central functions of the urban—of the Polis, the Becoming Polis, are now and have always been to exclude, order, stratify, survey, discipline and, employing each of these functions interconnectedly, to repress, confine and ultimately annihilate the human species. The conscious city is the eidolon of repression. Everything in the future city will have an aspect of a prison. Every space within the city, without exception, will be under live surveillance and subject to instantaneous repressive intervention. Every camera will be a police camera feeding information into the mind made of cable, brick and glass which is everywhere and nowhere at the same time. The Polis will be able to see everything and process everything and judge everything and imprison or otherwise discipline anything within the Polis at will. The Police and the City will be One (our project slogan).What I am saying is that the only being that will survive the elision of Human Being is Police Being. I mean that if Human Being is the womb, Police Being— Polisapiens—is the child. Do you follow me? Even if you are smart enough are you tough enough I wonder? There are huge challenges ahead. Could you dedicate yourself entirely? The position could well be yours if you could.
A word to the wise: this is the only possible good you have left.
And if you are not up to it let me advise becoming a hedonistic suicide. Blow yourself up in a disco after ten days on the rock. Better to blow up than to fade away. Get it? Oh yeah.
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